If you’ve been in your role for a few years, you pretty much know what to do in most situations. You know what needs to be done, how to do it, and when. You know that you need to bang the photocopier in the morning because it gets stuck in sleep mode, and you know that it takes 30 minutes for the air conditioning to kick in, so if you want cold air you have to plan ahead.
It took you years to figure it all out.
Do you give your colleagues the same luxury of time to discover things? Are you patient with them? Do you let them figure things out on their own, or are you a Mama Bear at work?
I remember when my older son, Christopher, was a baby and we left him with my mother overnight for the first time. I wrote up pages and pages of instructions on what to do, how he liked things, and what to do if something went wrong. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has done this.
My mom laughed at my pages of notes and promised she could figure out what Christopher needed because, after all, she had parented two children. She told me I was not allowed to call her every hour. I could call after he went to bed to ensure that everything had gone well, but she didn’t want me micromanaging her.
I felt foolish, but I also thought I was being helpful when I wrote the instruction list. It had been 30 years since she had a baby and I thought that perhaps she would appreciate me making the sleep-over easier.
Apparently not.
We do the same overprotective and micromanaging things at work too. And just like I did with my mom, sometimes we take it too far, and our good intentions are not appreciated.
Friendly guidance is nice. Parenting other adults is not.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”8Cu33″ via=”yes” ]Friendly guidance is nice. Parenting other adults is not.[/ctt]
When someone new joins your team, there are things that are considered helpful that you should be doing, and there are things that are not considered helpful, and you should not be doing.
Here are some friendly tips to ensure you are not parenting your coworkers or the new members of your team:
DON’T DO
– Don’t assume the person doesn’t know what they are doing. Even if they are young and fresh out of college, don’t assume they are incompetent. They may be inexperienced, but they are likely not incompetent, so be sure you aren’t treating them as if you think they are.
– Stay away from on-the-spot criticism unless you are their supervisor or assigned mentor. You may have noticed that when they answered the telephone, they didn’t use the standard greeting everyone else uses. Is it your job to correct them? If so, correct them, so they are in line with company expectations. If it isn’t your job, ask yourself why you are correcting them. Is there really a rule that says things need to be done the way you are saying they do? Is it someone else’s job to ensure they are answering the phone according to company standards? If you correct them, will you seem as if you are controlling and insisting things be done your way? Just because you noticed something isn’t being done the same way you do it doesn’t mean you need to correct it.
– Don’t go running to the boss with complaints that the new person is wasting a lot of your time asking questions. If you think they are interrupting you too often or with things they can figure out on their own, work with them on boundaries and expectations. Going to the boss and complaining you can’t do your job because they are taking up so much of your time paints you as a tattle-tale and is unprofessional. Work with your new-hire to set expectations about when they can interrupt you, and perhaps where they can find answers rather than coming to you for the answer to every question they may have.
– Don’t be the office gossip. While you may see it as helpful to let the new-hire know that when Patricia gives you a file to handle, she always gives it to you late because she is forever waiting until the last minute to do things. Your new-hire doesn’t need to be jaded about who does what, and you also don’t want to turn yourself into the office gossip. They can’t do anything with the fact that Patricia leaves things to the last minute, so how is that information useful for them? It really isn’t.
– Don’t run interference for them, either. If you see someone asking the new-hire to do something, it isn’t your job to be Mama Bear and protect them. By “protecting” them from others you are effectively getting in the way of their interactions with people in the company. Let your new-hire learn to fight some of their own battles. You are potentially damaging their credibility and respect by running interference, and it may not be seen as helpful.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”fRO8P” via=”yes” ]Don’t run interference for new hires in the office if you don’t want to be seen as the Mama Bear (hint: You don’t!)[/ctt]
DO
– Be polite and offer assistance as needed. When they are brand new to the office, they do need to know who they should be turning to for information. If that is you, let them know it is you. If it is not you, but you just want to be helpful, give them some guidelines on the types of things you can help them with.
For instance, saying, “I know more about Microsoft Office than Bill Gates, so come to me with all your questions and I’ll save you hours a day,” shows you have an expertise. Should you be encouraging them to come to you for that information? No. Perhaps you should say instead, “My job is payroll in HR. If you have any questions at all about payroll or the forms you need to complete, just give me a call.” Be specific. About where you can help them.
You could say, “I am your resource for all things admin. If you need any help at all, my extension is 595. Feel free to contact me anytime—I’m your main office resource.” Or a better way would be, “I am your buddy for the first few weeks until you get up to speed. Perhaps we should meet twice each day at 10 and three so I can answer any questions that may have come up during the day.”
– Ask them if they need help instead of just offering help on what you think they need. Ask them if they want you to point out when they are doing something in what appears to be an inefficient way. Find out if they are willing for you to mentor them before you decide they need mentoring.
There is something to be said for letting people figure things out on their own. It’s called learning. Allow them to learn with your guidance (as needed).
[ctt template=”3″ link=”uM27k” via=”yes” ]There is something to be said for letting people figure things out on their own. It’s called learning.[/ctt]
– Show compassion. Remember what it was like when you were the new person. Remember how much it felt like high school and you were the new kid? Show compassion and friendliness and offer to take them to the cafeteria or a coffee shop. Share with them the parking tip you know, or the coffee machine quirks. Take away some of their anxiety by being compassionate and understanding about how uncomfortable they may be feeling. Everyone knows each other, and your new-hire knows no one, so help them with those social hurdles.
Being a Mama Bear comes naturally to many of us. We want to be helpful. We want new-hires to be successful. We don’t want them to make the same mistakes that we made.
They want to show they are competent and can work independently. They want their reputation to be solid and strong. Your new-hire will appreciate your guidance. She won’t want or need your parenting or protection.
