I was lying on a beautiful white sandy beach in Cancun in mid-March when I picked up my phone and checked out Twitter. Our prime minister had announced to all Canadians that, “It’s time to come home.”
The coronavirus outbreak had begun. Borders were closing, people were losing their jobs, and everyone (except those working in essential services) were told to work from home. Most of my 2020 was booked with conferences, workshops, and my own #AdminsRock conference. With what looked like my best business year yet, I was taking a much-deserved break before the busiest year on record began in full-force.
When I saw the PM’s tweet and realized what it implied, my heart skipped a few beats, butterflies took off in my stomach, my eyes started to fill with tears, and I began to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to say, yet I didn’t know how to stop talking and sharing the panic I felt.
My story may not be the same as yours, but I’m willing to bet that you can relate to the feeling of overwhelm that this pandemic has caused. Maybe you (or your partner) lost your job, you may be overwhelmed without any government support, and you may also have the added overwhelm of kids going back to school. Not only do the physical realities of Coronavirus step in, but the emotional ones do, too. It’s a lot to handle.
When someone is overwhelmed—a friend, a partner, a family member—resist the urge to fix it, for instance with one of those pithy motivational sayings like, “It will all look better in the morning. Just sleep on it.” When someone is feeling overwhelmed, it takes much more than a few words to help them feel in control of the situation. Overwhelm doesn’t go away by “thinking positive.”
[ctt template=”3″ link=”C1Af5″ via=”yes” ]When someone is overwhelmed, resist the urge to fix it. Overwhelm doesn’t go away by “thinking positive.”[/ctt]
Here are some tips that may help:
- Practice Self-Care. In 2018, more than half of all workers in the U.S. reported they did not use all their allotted time off, according to research from the U.S. Travel Association, Oxford Economics, and Ipsos (ustravel.org/press/study-record-768-million-us-vacation-days-went-unused-18-opportunity-cost-billions). That’s 768 million vacation days that people spent working, instead. We all need time to recharge our batteries. It clears the head, leaves room for creative thinking and self-care, which puts you in a better state of mind when something unusual (like a sudden pandemic) occurs. And if it happens while you’re on vacation, it gives you time to think about what you can do. You can spend your time strategizing and not worrying that you are about to be fired because you can’t focus on your job.
If time off isn’t an option, how else can you take care of yourself when you feel overwhelmed? Can you get on the phone with a trusted friend? Can the kids watch a movie while you sit in the bathtub? Can you bake yourself a decadent treat?
Warren and I didn’t race home from Cancun in a panic. Our flight was already scheduled for later in the week, and it didn’t make sense to change it. I did take the afternoon to feel sorry for myself, worry about how the bills were going to be paid, and wonder how we were going to get home from Cancun without exposing ourselves to the virus. I had a margarita, a little cry, and did some healthy venting and worrying out loud. Of course, my husband understood, since he was having the same fears. It felt good to have my worries and fears validated, and together we brainstormed what we would do. We practiced self-care together.
- Organize and Reduce Stress. Like many people, I have moments when I’m a bit of a control freak. I like to be in charge, know what to expect, and take control of situations. When I started to feel overwhelmed about the pandemic, I realized that part of that feeling was because I didn’t have control over my situation. I didn’t have much choice about the business I was losing. I had to postpone my #AdminsRock conference, which had been scheduled for April (it’s now September 28 to October 2 – check it out at www.AdminsRock.com). I had to change all the plans I had created. It was very frustrating.
And what do I do when I feel out of control? I focus on what I can control. I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing lists. Lists of things we needed to do, people I needed to call, things I wanted to know about the pandemic. It was a long list, but when it was done, I felt that I had a better handle on what I could do to feel in control of a situation that was beyond my control.
- Do Your Research. I needed to know more about what was happening with the virus and the new guidelines. I did some research. I listened to the daily news updates; I took control of what I “knew.” I learned quickly that social media wasn’t the smartest place for me to get the education I needed on the situation. I went to my trusted sources and read as much as I could. I found out about borders, essential services, mitigation, and force majeure (when circumstances beyond your control prevent you from fulfilling contractual obligations).
Imagine that you have just found out that your school board is not sending kids back to school in September, so you will have three children under the age of 10 trying to learn from home. At the same time, you are expected to do your job full-time, working from home. I’m willing to bet that the feeling of overwhelm is substantial. You know that taking care of your children, their education, and their mental health is important. You also know that the responsibility of your own job, and maintaining your income, is also important.
It is easy for others to say, “Your children are more important, and your job should take a back seat. You can get a new job when everything goes back to normal.” But most people don’t have the luxury of putting our jobs on the back-burner to take care of our families; we need to take care of both work and family. Being overwhelmed in this situation is entirely understandable. I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it, and it isn’t my situation. By following my advice above, you could:
- Take a walk in the evenings (assuming you have someone who can watch your children for an hour) and give yourself a mental break. Take the first 15 minutes and enjoy being alone for a change. Listen to your favorite podcast, songs, or enjoy the sounds of nature.
- Take some time to write down all of your concerns and fears. Journal your thoughts and feelings.
- Brainstorm your options. One of the keys to brainstorming is not to discount any idea, but just write it down—you never know what could come from it. For instance, write down on your list “Quit my job” even though you know that isn’t an option. But “quit” might spark “re-negotiate my working hours” and that might be exactly what you need to do. Get each and every option written down before you decide what is reasonable and what isn’t.
- Take control of your list. When you’ve exhausted all possible options (real or imagined), then start to remove those that are completely unreasonable. You may choose to remove “quit my job” from the list, but keep “re-negotiate my working hours.”
- Start talking to other parents in your neighborhood to find out how they are managing. Perhaps someone nearby has thought of a solution that may work for you. Maybe someone has decided to set up a home-schooling option that would solve some of your issues.
- Cry, yell, stomp, or smile as needed, preferably in a safe space and around people who will understand and support you.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”a892u” via=”yes” ]Feeling overwhelmed can happen without your input. But once you realize there are productive things you can do, you can take steps to deal with it.[/ctt]
Feeling overwhelmed can happen without your input. But once you realize there are productive things you can do, you can take steps to deal with it.
