His name was Mr. Donnelly, and when I first started working, right out of college, as a receptionist in his real estate office, he watched everything I did closely. I would come into the office in the morning to find that he had little notes for me everywhere as he went through my work after I had left the office.
I was young, had never experienced this before, and was unsure what to do. Did I even have the right to complain about it? It made me feel like he didn’t trust me (he didn’t at first) and that it didn’t matter what I did; he would find fault with it, which destroyed my fragile self-esteem.
It took me time, but I was able to earn his trust, understand his need for control, and create a much better working relationship. The ability to communicate, adapt to different ways, and have a positive attitude are crucial for success.
Before I could do those things, I had to talk myself down from the ledge. I had to realize why his micromanaging was happening and how it made me feel. I realized it was a trust issue when I looked at why it was happening. He needed to feel that he could trust me to do my job. By checking on my desk each night, he was developing that trust even though it felt like he was micromanaging me. He needed to know things were getting done on time and correctly. If I wasn’t updating him enough (and my enough and his enough were different), then his trust radar rang.
Communicate
I learned to update him on what I was doing daily. I conversationally provided updates that made him realize that he could trust me. At one point, he asked me to start doing a time log to account for my time (you can imagine how that made me feel), but I realized it was his way of ensuring he knew the status of things rather than me feeling like he was telling me I wasn’t doing enough.
The communication of the updates and time log helped him develop trust. It also taught me that he had a high need for updates even after he learned to trust me.
I never had that sit-down conversation and chatted with him about trust. I never told him I felt that he didn’t trust me. I realize this would have been helpful, but it would have been so uncomfortable for us both, so I avoided it. No one is aware they micromanage. They justify doing tasks their way, why they are checking up, or why they are controlling the process, so having a conversation about it wouldn’t have been helpful. He certainly wouldn’t have agreed, and I’m not convinced that conversation would have been helpful.
Communication is essential to building trust. We communicated verbally and documented the things I did in daily/weekly reports. It is important to establish expectations and communicate them to your micromanager boss. I needed to reassure him that I was on the right track so that he could focus on his job and not mine.
Adapt and Adjust
Part of what bothered me about Mr. Donnelly’s micromanaging ways was that he wanted things done his way, and I wanted to do things my way. I’m sure you see the irony in that. We both were trying to control how things were done and resisted one another’s perspective or process.
Since he was my boss (and I was not his), it was important that I be the one to adapt. If this situation had happened with my husband, we might have needed to compromise, but I was a new employee adapting to how my manager wanted things done.
Instead, I learned to ask questions and, at times, almost permission. If I said, “I was going to send out these documents via UPS. Is there another provider I should be dealing with?” I would get either the approval or the reason why I needed to use another courier company. I positioned the update as a presumptive question (assuming the answer would be an agreement) but left it open if he had a preferred method. That is entirely different than asking, “What courier company should I use?” as that question makes it look like I don’t know any options and need far more help than I do to get the job done.
I communicated what I was doing but was willing to adjust in case there was a different process I was unaware of, or he preferred. The more often I did things the same way he would (and showed him that is how I was planning on doing it), the faster I built his trust that I had good processes. I was communicating that I valued his opinion and showing that I was capable at the same time.
It was a slight adjustment away from just doing it and showing independence, but over time, it worked, and the need for me to check in with him dissipated.
A Positive Attitude
I had to teach myself to look at things from a different perspective. His need to micromanage had very little to do with me and much more to do with him. He needed confidence and trust in me. I needed to learn not to let others chip away at my confidence and attitude. If my confidence was low or my attitude was negative, that was my fault, not his.
I needed to have a positive attitude about the time it took me to alleviate his anxieties about me doing my job. I was teaching myself, albeit the hard way, how to deal with a micromanager. I wasn’t always right in what I did, but each step taught me for the next micromanager I encountered in my career.
We’ve all heard the old cliché: That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I was gaining strength, and believe me; I reminded myself of that daily.
I knew that his need for control and perfection would teach me a variety of skills. One thing I learned quickly was that I could (had to) deliver results. I needed accuracy, speed, and high quality. I knew that excuses were a waste of my time and that I needed to exceed his expectations. I learned how to ask questions and even when to ask them.
I had to be open to feedback when he corrected me on how I did things. I am open to realizing that my way isn’t always the right way and that sometimes I do make mistakes. I had to show him I could take and learn from his constructive criticism. My nature wanted me to defend my actions when I needed to learn to listen instead.
I knew working with a micromanager was hard, but I convinced myself it was better to learn those skills early rather than resist them my entire career. I was motivating myself to learn from the experience.
Mr. Donnelly and I worked together again later in my career when he was a senior vice president, and I became his executive assistant. I’m willing to bet that I would have never had that job if I hadn’t learned to communicate, adapt, and have a positive attitude about it. I’ve encountered many micromanagers in my life (I know you have, too) and have even been accused of it myself (rightfully so), and I’m grateful for the lessons along the way.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
This article was written by Rhonda Scharf and not by artificial intelligence.
