I started working with Gail when I was 20. She was like a mother figure in the office, and I confided in her the same way I would with my mother.
Until I found out that she was a bit of a gossip and shared some of what I told her in confidence, which (I felt) potentially damaged my reputation.
I don’t think she intentionally set out to hurt me nor intentionally gossip. It was just a conversation about a coworker, along with a bit of personal commentary, that caused me to lose trust in her.
A definition of trust I relate to is feeling safe when vulnerable. If I don’t feel safe at work, I cannot perform at my best. If I don’t feel safe working with you, we will not deliver our best work together.
Do you make people feel safe when they are vulnerable? Do you have a reputation as a trustworthy professional?
Ask yourself if you do the following:
Don’t vent about others to others. If you have an executive who just can’t keep their hands off their calendar and constantly mess it up, we naturally want to vent and blow off steam to others at work. Don’t. If you need to ask other admins for advice on what to do, ask for advice, but don’t vent about how your executive is ruining your life and causing you hours of extra work. If you have a coworker constantly fighting with her partner on the phone at work, don’t mention it to your other coworkers. It feels like gossip.
If you are venting about me and not to me, I will lose trust in our relationship. If you wouldn’t say those things with me in the room, don’t say them when I’m not in the room.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”nsbUR” via=”yes” ]If you wouldn’t say those things with me in the room, don’t say them when I’m not in the room.[/ctt]
Be respectful with commitments. We all have that one person in life we know will bail on obligations at the last minute. They use all kinds of excuses and seem to have great intent, but they inevitably don’t show up, reschedule, or just get too busy at the last minute to attend whatever it is they were supposed to participate in. Don’t be that person. Do what you say you are going to do.
Be honest and take responsibility. Nothing ruins a relationship faster than failing to meet expectations, deadlines, or goals. Don’t make excuses for why things didn’t get done. Don’t blame others or indicate that it was someone else’s fault things didn’t get done. Be honest and take responsibility.
Be organized. If I work with someone who can never find things, who appears to thrive in chaos and doesn’t have systems and processes, I get very nervous that they won’t be able to do what they are supposed to do. I don’t trust their processes; their lack of organization predisposes me to think they will drop the ball. Organization doesn’t mean everything needs to be perfect, but it does mean you know where you filed things, you can find them, and you aren’t dropping the ball because you have too many balls in the air.
Be professional. You’re at work, and don’t forget that. These are professional relationships, and you maintaining the appropriate level of professionalism will help me trust that you are taking your role seriously. When people lack professional filters, it triggers red flags in others. Those red flags make us doubt that you know where the line is, and we may lose trust that you will observe the line in professional situations. I would hate to think you would bring up an inappropriate or controversial topic in front of senior executives or clients. I need to trust you to know you wouldn’t cross that line.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”S2tiW” via=”yes” ]The ability to trust others we work with means we can do our job and not have to worry.[/ctt]
The ability to trust others we work with means we can do our job and not have to worry. For me to be my best, I need to trust you. For you to be your best, you need to trust me.
I continued to work with Gail for several more years. There was no lasting harm to her gossip and commentary to my career long term. There was permanent to our working relationship from my perspective, though. Don’t ruin your working relationships either.
