What to do When the Boss Doesn’t Trust You

by | Feb 24, 2025 | Ask Rhonda, Communication, Efficiency, Goal Setting, Help Me Rhonda, Management, Office Solutions, Positive attitude, Self Care, Tips

When I was a young receptionist in my first full-time job, my boss did not trust me for a very long time. As you can imagine, I took it personally, trying to figure out why he didn’t trust me and what I could do about it.

Trust is important in all personal and professional relationships; it is tough to do your job when there is no trust. I was unhappy; I felt like I couldn’t do anything without his approval and like a child.

My experience was not unusual. I’ve been asked, sadly, more than once, what to do when the boss doesn’t seem to trust you, even though you have years of experience (unlike my experience when I was new to the workforce). I can only imagine the frustration and how demoralizing this feels.

But, it can be fixed.

Before we try to fix it, let’s try to understand why your boss may not trust you. Here are some possible reasons:

 

  • They are new to their role and prefer to micromanage until they feel comfortable with everything that happens in the workplace
  • They had a previous bad experience and are overly cautious before they trust anyone again (once bitten, twice shy experience)
  • They have a controlling leadership style and struggle with delegation
  • There have been mistakes (real or perceived) that they haven’t moved past
  • They simply don’t know you well enough yet.

In my experience, I now see that my boss had previous bad experiences and a controlling leadership style, and he didn’t know me well enough in the beginning. He was worried that he was out of the loop, that I wasn’t doing all the required tasks, or that I wasn’t doing them correctly.

Once you identify the likely cause, you can tailor your approach accordingly.

 

  1. Communicate Proactively

 

I needed to over-communicate with him. Okay, from my perspective, it was overcommunicating, but to him, I was communicating proactively. I gave him status updates each morning and afternoon on what I was doing, what stage everything was at, and what happened in the office each day as he wasn’t always there.

To me, it felt like I was reporting in like a child. To him, it reassured him that things were operating as they should, which relaxed his micromanaging tendencies.

 

  1. Be Consistently Reliable

Trust is built on reliability. Show up on time, meet deadlines, and follow through on commitments. That sounds basic, but the boss needs to know that you will do those things. For years, when the boss was out of the office for the day, the phone would ring at 4:59 pm.

To me, it felt like he was checking to see that I was still there and hadn’t left early because he wasn’t there to see me leave. Maybe that is true, but he eventually learned that I was always there, and I showed him I was reliable. I knew that time mattered to him, so I realized that I needed to be at my desk no later than 9:00 am, not leave for lunch early or arrive back a little late, and never leave the office before 5:00 pm.

I also learned that deadlines weren’t really deadlines. They were “drop dead times.” If I had a deadline to submit something to him by Friday, I really needed to submit it by Thursday. When he asked me to do something, I would confirm I did it quickly.

It took time, but he recognized that when I said I would do something, I would do it. I am still that way with deadlines; I’m never late, and I follow up with updates quickly.

 

  1. Ask for Clarification and Feedback

When I was new to the job, I was afraid to ask questions to confirm my understanding. It felt to me that I couldn’t figure things out or didn’t understand what I was supposed to do.

I learned the hard way. When I didn’t ask questions, I inevitably made incorrect assumptions and had to make corrections. It took a while, but I learned to ask directly what people want instead of assuming we are on the same wavelength on the task. Instead of assuming what your boss expects, ask directly.

Not only did I learn to ask for clarification and feedback the hard way, but I also made a few other mistakes along the way that are best to avoid.

 

  1. Don’t Take it Personally

Now that I’m older and have had some bad experiences (remember: Once bitten, twice shy), I realize that not everyone cares if they do a good job and should be trusted. This lesson has shown me that I also have some micromanaging tendencies that have nothing to do with the people I am working with but have everything to do with me!

When I was that young receptionist, I wish I had this understanding. Even all these years later, it is hard not to take it personally when I feel someone doesn’t trust me. It’s their experiences, not me that is causing this lack of trust. I know I am worthy of trust, and I just need to be patient to let the other person figure it out, too.

  1. Don’t Push for Trust Too Soon

 

Pushing can make the boss even more resistant. Instead, show them through your actions that you can be trusted. You can’t rush trust. It will take longer than you want, but be patient.

 

  1. Don’t Hide Your Mistakes

When you mess up, don’t cover up. Own it. Go to the boss first and let them know what happened and what you will do to fix it. If you try to cover it up, you will further hurt your ability to be trusted. You can be sure that your cover-up will be discovered, and it can break trust permanently.

It took me far longer than I wanted to feel that my first boss trusted me, but it made all the difference to my career once he did. He was my advocate. I’m glad I was stubborn and didn’t give up.

In hindsight, I understand that trust is different for everyone. It takes time, but things will eventually turn around if you keep doing the right things.

 

This article was written by Rhonda Scharf and not by artificial intelligence.

 

Rhonda Scharf, CSP, HOF, Global Speaking Fellow

Certified Speaking Professional, Hall of Fame

Rhonda Scharf, renowned and award-winning speaker, author, consultant, and trainer, is the “go-to” expert for the Administrative Professional and Executive Assistant community. With over 250,000+ trained across the globe, Rhonda is THE authority for fun and uplifting education for admins, because #ADMINSROCK!

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Rhonda Scharf, CSP, HOF, Global Speaking Fellow

Certified Speaking Professional, Hall of Fame

Rhonda Scharf, renowned and award-winning speaker, author, consultant, and trainer, is the “go-to” expert for the Administrative Professional and Executive Assistant community. With over 250,000+ trained across the globe, Rhonda is THE authority for fun and uplifting education for admins, because #ADMINSROCK!