Warren and I like to tease each other while in the office with lines such as, “You’re not the boss of me.” I like to remind him I am, but it isn’t about authority or telling each other what to do. Control and being in charge are very confusing.
Are you feeling out of control? If so, then being in charge is the answer!
Authority is a concept that is often misunderstood and confused with power. However, there is a distinct difference between being in control and being in charge. Understanding this distinction is crucial for navigating relationships and managing your stress levels.
While the terms “being in control” and “being in charge” are often used interchangeably, there is a fundamental difference between the two.
Authority: the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience. Authority is often associated with being in a position of management or supervision or having control over others.
Being in control refers to having authority. You are controlling the process, the results. You are managing for the results that you want.
You should be in control with how you spend your time, your money, your education, your career.
I have a budget I follow; I have a day timer to ensure the right tasks get done at the right time, and I make decisions by considering their future impact (for me and others). I am in control of my life because I manage what I do.
I’m not in control of Warren, my children, or you. If I try to control others, it shows to them that I don’t trust them to do what I want done the way I want it done. I don’t need to manage how others do things. I don’t need to control how others do their job at work. You probably don’t need to control others, either.
It is easy to feel out of control of situations like your time, money, career, etc. It is easy to find reasons or excuses why things don’t turn out the way you planned, which makes us feel out of control. When it feels like you’ve lost your “authority,” it is easy to feel out of control.
Instead, let’s be in charge of the situation. Being in charge allows me to feel successful regardless of the final outcome.
If I am trying to control my day, I may get frustrated that my phone is constantly ringing or I have unexpected meetings to attend. I don’t feel in control of what I am doing because I’m being distracted by other, equally important, priorities.
If I decide to take charge, I will look at the scenario differently. When the phone rings, I can decide if I answer it or let the call go to voicemail. I have the ability (not necessarily authority) to make that decision for me. I’m not ignoring the phone; I will return the phone call once I determine its priority. I will complete all my priorities by taking the time to look at all perspectives and determine the best course of action.
I have the ability to make the decision to spend $X on a pair of shoes if I determine that is the right choice for me. If I am in charge, I can send my regrets on a meeting that isn’t the best use of my time. If I am reading the job postings, I can take charge of the ones I apply to and accept the offer of the one I want (not the first one that comes my way). That isn’t control; that is in charge.
The distinction between being in control and being in charge lies in the approach and mindset of you.
Being in control refers to having power or influence over a situation while being in charge entails taking on the responsibility to make decisions for you.
Are you in control? I often feel out of control. I am, however, in charge!
