Last week I was out golfing with a few ladies when I noticed that one of them had her own golf cart, perfectly matching the Cincinnati Bengals colors. Once I realized she was from Ohio, I brought up the upcoming Super Bowl and congratulated her team. As the chat continued, I commented on how I was sad to see the end of Tom Brady as I felt he was one of the greatest football players of all time.
Instantly the tension in the conversation changed. Instantly it became aggressive as if my appreciation for Brady as a player had somehow insulted her team. It became political in a nano-second, and I have no idea why or how, which was not my intent.
As a Canadian and not a huge football fan, I had naively stepped into something that never would have occurred to me would be a sensitive, and somehow, political discussion. It was a conversation about a player from another team, and I thought it was small talk.
I know better than to bring up politics, and I wasn’t trying to make my new friend dislike me. Yet, I somehow made her defensive and our small talk was filled with tension for a while.
Many conversations that quickly bring out aggression, anger, and hatred are happening right now. There have been friendships lost, families torn apart, and relationships that will take a very long time to repair. If they even can repair.
Sadly, this type of situation happens all the time in the workplace. It could start from union strikes, a bully in the office, or a leader that inspires internal competition and fear.
Unfortunately, when things get that bad at work, we usually decide that all the stress and frustration aren’t worth it, and we leave. Perhaps we burn the bridge with the boss, the bully, or the company; and realize that we could never return.
However, in some situations, the choice of walking away isn’t an option. A union strike is an example; a divorce, vaccination, mask mandates, and politics are examples.
Sometimes running away from the situation isn’t an option.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”2y0Ha” via=”yes” ]Sometimes running away from the situation isn’t an option. We need to build bridges and learn to deal with difficult situations.[/ctt]
We need to build bridges and learn to deal with difficult situations.
How do you build that bridge so that you can detach yourself from the emotions the situations causes?
Here are three things you can do to build bridges:
Don’t Interrupt. When someone is saying something you disagree with or making a statement that makes your skin crawl, don’t interrupt them. By interrupting, you are part of the problem, refusing to hear what they have to say. Interruptions are seen as aggressive and rude. Let them finish their statement and then follow the next two steps.
Stay calm. Whatever the disagreement or difference in opinions, it is not personal. Don’t take it personally, and don’t make it personal.
Someone has an opinion that you don’t understand. Their point of view is different than yours. It is not your job to convince them they are wrong, and don’t take it personally if they try to convince you that you are wrong.
In a perfect world, we would not launch insults or hate because someone has a different perspective. Unfortunately, it is the way it is. Be the voice of reason, stay calm, don’t take it personally, and hopefully, others will follow your suit.
Set Boundaries. Some subjects will just be off the table for discussion. You’ll notice I’m not using any of the examples in the media today as the setting for this article. I am very careful to avoid anything political or polarizing on my social media or blog. Set boundaries on the conversations you will have and those you will not participate in.
I thought that football was a safe subject. In this situation, it became political, so I quickly backtracked the conversation away from Brady and back to the Bengals. I didn’t want my friendship (or my golf game) to have unintentional consequences.
Suppose you have decided to build bridges to deal with difficult situations. In that case, it is not unreasonable to say, “I am uncomfortable with this line of discussion, and I’m requesting we discuss something else.” If the other person continues to have the discussion, permit yourself to disengage and, if necessary, leave the room. By engaging in the discussion, you are now arguing, and this is not the goal. Change the subject, but don’t go there if you can avoid it.
Building a bridge doesn’t mean we’ve repaired the divide. It means that we can move past whatever the contentious subject is and continue. Bridges create solutions.
Build a bridge and get over it.
[ctt template=”3″ link=”bL8av” via=”yes” ]Build a bridge and get over it.[/ctt]
