Following Up Without Feeling Like a Nag

If you’ve ever hesitated before sending a follow-up email because you didn’t want to sound pushy, you’re not alone.

As administrative professionals, we spend a surprising amount of our day waiting for other people. Waiting for approvals, signatures, decisions, and just waiting for someone to answer the email you sent three days ago.

The problem is that your work, and often your executive’s work, can’t move forward until someone responds. And it is our job to ensure things move forward, right?

So, how do you follow up professionally without sounding like a nag? The answer isn’t to stop following up. It’s to follow up well. We know that everyone we work with is busy. We are all interrupted hundreds of times a day, receive far too many emails and instant messages, and switch between tasks all day long. It’s easy for anyone to forget the deadline or even that they read your most recent message.

Which means people generally aren’t ignoring you or trying to be disrespectful. Their lack of response is usually a reflection of workload, not attitude. That’s why thoughtful follow-ups aren’t pestering but instead simply good project management.

When I’ve followed up with some of you on an issue, most of the time I get embarrassed responses like, “Oh, Rhonda. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to drop the ball. I’ve just got so much going on, and it slipped my mind.” They appreciate that I did follow up (most of the time).

To begin, always assume positive intent. I teach this in so many of my workshops. Don’t assume they ignored you on purpose. Instead, assume your email slipped down their inbox, and they simply forgot. That mindset changes your tone immediately.

Second, people are far more likely to respond when they can read quickly and not have to reread a long email thread. So instead of sending the long string of emails with the line “Just checking in…,” send a fresh, concise email that summarizes exactly what you need. Make it quick to read and even quicker to respond to. Resending the entire email string takes time to read and process, and at that particular moment, they may not have enough time to do that.

Try:

Hi Sarah,

I’m following up on the catering approval for next Thursday’s meeting. Could you let me know by Wednesday at noon so I can confirm the order?

Thanks!

You can also use subject lines such as: Wednesday catering 3 pm deadline for Thursday’s meeting.

Notice how this reminds them of what you are asking for and when you need it, and they don’t even need to open the email to know what you want. 

The next thing we can do to remind without nagging is to explain why we need their response. If they understand the why, they are often moved to action.

Instead of, “Please get back to me?” say: “Once I receive your approval, I can finalize the venue booking.” Or, “Your response will allow us to send the invitations before Friday’s deadline.”

Now you’re showing that their action allows progress and why we need their information. When people understand that their response allows someone else to move forward, they’re much more likely to act. If they don’t understand why you need the information, it’s easy for them to assume it can wait.

However, most of us start with apologies instead. We often apologize simply because we’re asking for something or for doing our job by saying things like:

• Sorry to bother you…
• Sorry for the reminder…
• I hate to bug you…
• I know you’re busy…

And while those are polite, these phrases unintentionally suggest you’ve done something wrong. 

Instead, be confident and courteous without the apology.

Try, “Just following up on the budget approval below,” or  “I’m checking in to see if you’ve had a chance to review the proposal.” 

No apology needed.

Also, watch out for phrases that can unintentionally sound passive-aggressive, such as:

• As previously requested…
• Per my last email…
• As I already mentioned…
• I’ve emailed several times…

Unintentionally, they will often create defensiveness. Instead, stay neutral and use phrases such as, “Just bringing this back to the top of your inbox,” or “Following up in case this got buried.”

And while the above dos and don’ts are a good guideline, they don’t always work. There are times when things do get lost, ignored, and forgotten, so we do need to increase the urgency gradually and remember that not every reminder should sound the same.

First follow-up (1-2 days later)

Just checking in to see whether you’ve had a chance to make your menu selection.

Second follow-up (a few days later) 

I wanted to touch base again since catering is due Friday.

Third follow-up (before the deadline)

We need a decision by Thursday for Monday’s meeting. Please send me your order.

Notice how the urgency increases without becoming rude.

Finally, know when it’s time to change your approach. We can’t chase people forever and need to recognize that sometimes our well-written reminders aren’t solving the problem. And sometimes, we need a different approach.

You could say (if possible, in person, on the phone, on a Teams/Slack message, etc.): “I’m having difficulty moving this project forward because I haven’t yet received approval. Would it be easier if we discussed it briefly in person?”

Remember that email is only one communication tool. Sometimes a two-minute conversation replaces five emails.

And sometimes we need to involve the appropriate decision-maker if that’s part of your role.

Following up repeatedly without changing tactics rarely changes the outcome.

Finally, don’t take it personally. When someone hasn’t replied, it’s easy to feel frustrated. Instead, remember that you’re doing your job. Professional follow-up (through our factual, respectful, and focused language) builds trust, but as soon as we throw emotions into it, we damage our professional reputation (and our chances of getting a response).

To summarize, here is a simple follow-up formula:

 

• Friendly greeting (not too long or chatty, and no apology needed)

• Reminder of the request
• Reason or deadline
• Clear call to action
• Thank you

For example:

Hi David,

I’m following up on the draft agenda for next week’s leadership meeting. If you could send your revisions by Wednesday afternoon, I’ll have time to prepare the final package before Friday.

Thanks very much,

It is simple, professional and usually effective.

Following up isn’t nagging. It’s part of keeping work moving.

The best administrative professionals aren’t the ones who send the fewest reminders. They’re the ones who make it easy for others to respond while protecting relationships and keeping projects on track.

Remember, following up isn’t nagging; it’s leadership. Administrative professionals keep projects moving, deadlines on track, and people accountable. When you follow up with professionalism, clarity, and respect, you’re not being a nuisance. You’re doing exactly what great administrative professionals do.