Imagine you’ve just been handed a new project at work. You’ve done similar projects before, but there are some elements that are new to you. You start by doing some research, but quickly feel overwhelmed as you aren’t sure what to do next.
Have you ever been tasked with something and didn’t know what to do? You did your online research to find out what was required and still needed more information to complete the job but didn’t know where to get it?
That’s how I felt recently. I received a notice from my newsletter database informing me that something major had to be changed with my database. I’ve had this database/newsletter for over 20 years. It is relatively easy to maintain and works well for sending my weekly newsletter. The change they announced left me unsure of what I needed, and I was stuck on how to do what I needed to do.
The information (not instructions) told me something needed to be done but not what to do. My online search didn’t help me at all. To make matters worse, the change wasn’t optional. If I didn’t make the change, the newsletter wouldn’t go out.
And, you guessed, they didn’t offer help, instruction, or a way to ask them questions.
The fact that I didn’t know what to do wasn’t about me being incompetent, disorganized, or unable to prioritize. The reality is that we often are given new tasks and responsibilities and don’t have experience on what needs to be done. Our roles change constantly, and we must keep up, often without instructions or support.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one guilty of avoiding asking for help. I’m not sure if I’m afraid I’ll look incompetent, concerned about my reputation and what people will think, or a control freak, but I am not the first to reach out and ask for help. I’ll assume many of you are the same.
As office professionals, ownership and personal initiative are valued. We must strike a delicate balance between humility and strength and to know when and how to ask for help. Unfortunately, how you ask for help can shape others’ perception of you. If you always asking for help to do your job, your coworkers might doubt your competence and initiative, even if their assumptions are unfair and wrong.
Asking for help won’t impact your reputation if you do it properly. Following the steps below shows far more professionalism than wasting time trying to figure things out that need help from others. You can’t know everything, so know when to reach out and ask for help.
Respond: Don’t React
If you instantly react and say, “I can’t do this!” you are reacting. Instead, respond to the situation by evaluating it carefully. Knee-jerk reactions don’t help your reputation, so take time and see what you can figure out on your own.
A reaction for my newsletter database would be to announce that the newsletter is shutting down and I’m not sending it anymore. Or I could have called the company and canceled my contract with them because I couldn’t figure out their system.
Instead, I went online to find any online places that offered help. I checked YouTube for relevant videos. I did look to see if they had an FAQ that would help.
I didn’t react. Instead, I responded and found bits of information along the way that convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to make the required changes on my own.
Watch Your Timing.
Timing is critical when asking for help in both directions. If you are in reaction mode, as per the first tip, you shouldn’t be asking for help at that time. You need to get yourself in a calmer, likely more rational, mood. If you seem panicky and can’t explain what you need, you’ll add stress to an already stressful situation and may confuse the person you are asking for help. Make sure you are in the right frame of mind to ask.
When you are ready, make sure you ask for help at a convenient time for the other person. Avoid busy periods or times when your colleagues are under significant pressure. If possible, schedule a quick meeting or find a quiet moment to make your request. This consideration shows respect for their time and increases the likelihood of a positive response.
Don’t Complain
You want to avoid coming to your colleague with a pile of complaints about what you were asked to do, why you shouldn’t have been the one tasked with it, or that you have no idea what to do. If you’re a pile of complaints, it sets a negative tone for the task regardless of who does it. They may be able to help you, but you’ve not made the experience a good one.
Imagine if I had reached out for help with a string of complaints such as, “I don’t know why they need to do this. It’s stupid. It’s a total waste of my time. There was nothing wrong with the old way.” Etc. Don’t be the whiner because people don’t want to help whiners and that negativity does affect your reputation.
Clarity and Purpose Matter
How you start the conversation sets the tone. Be clear about what you need. Vague requests can lead to confusion and might result in something other than the help you need. For example, instead of saying, “I’m too busy to do this,” try, “I need help scheduling these meetings today because I have an urgent deadline to meet.” This direct approach allows the person helping you to understand exactly what’s required and the timeline required.
Start the conversation with a purpose, such as “I’m working on onboarding a new employee and I’ve run into some logistical challenges and I’m hoping you can look at what I’ve done.”
Be clear about what you need and have a purpose for your ask. You might not be asking them to handle the entire task, instead looking for a specific things, such as suggestions, direction, or for them to help you with one piece of the task.
Acknowledge Their Expertise
When you approach someone for help, acknowledge their skills or knowledge. This shows respect and reinforces the value they bring to the team. For example, you could say, “You’re great at organizing complex projects—could you give me some tips on how to structure this event?” This makes the person feel appreciated and people who feel appreciated are far more willing to help.
However, don’t do this by pointing out your shortcomings. Don’t soften your request or say things like, “I’m so bad at this – it is way over my head” or “I feel stupid asking this, but you always know the answer.” While you may be attempting to be modest, it could hurt your credibility for you to downplay your own skills.
Be Willing to Reciprocate
In all situations, give-and-take is essential. When you ask for help, be prepared to offer assistance in return. Whether helping with their tasks in the future or providing support in areas where you excel, showing that you’re willing to reciprocate builds strong working relationships. Don’t ask others for help if you will never be able to help them in return.
Don’t Forget Your Appreciation
The words “Thank you” will always be necessary. They had a choice to help you, and they chose to do it. Make sure you appreciate their help. Acknowledge the time and effort they put into assisting you. A simple thank-you note, a treat or coffee, or even a quick message expressing your appreciation can go a long way in maintaining a positive working relationship. This shows your gratitude and leaves the door open for future collaboration.
Learn from the Experience
Finally, use the opportunity to learn. When someone helps you, take note of their approach and techniques. This helps you grow professionally and reduces the likelihood of needing help with the same issue in the future. Improving your skills and knowledge will make you more self-sufficient and confident in your role.
My database is almost ready, and I’m confident the changes will be completed before the deadline. I asked Genevieve (the woman who designed my website) for help, and although she wasn’t entirely sure what was required, she was willing to help and we figured it out.
I want to tell you I didn’t panic, but I won’t repeat my initial words when I read the update and looked for solutions online. I followed the steps I recommended eventually, and I’m glad I asked for help, too!
This article was written by Rhonda Scharf and not by artificial intelligence.
