Carol has been the Office Manager at a nonprofit community center for 18 years. She’s the glue—the one who fixes the copier, keeps the books balanced, and remembers everyone’s birthday. The job has never been glamorous, but it’s always felt rewarding.
That is, until two months ago.
A new Executive Director, Lena, was brought in to “modernize” the organization. And with her came a whirlwind of changes. Long-time staff started leaving. Policies changed overnight. And Lena began calling Carol after hours, demanding reports, criticizing her work, and referring to as “just” the admin.
Last Friday, she yelled at Carol in front of the entire staff—for scheduling her calendar too full, even when she insisted that Carol make all the meetings work.
Carol went home shaken. She didn’t sleep all weekend. Her chest felt tight. And her husband finally asked the question Carol had been avoiding: “Is this job worth your health anymore?”
Carol is stuck. She’s afraid to leave a job she’s held for nearly two decades. But staying is starting to cost her more than she can afford emotionally.
Sound familiar?
If you’re facing a difficult work situation like Carol, the first step isn’t quitting or pushing through—it’s acknowledging what you’re feeling and how it’s affecting you. We can’t begin to fix the issue until we deal with the emotions.
- Regain a Sense of Control
When a boss is volatile or unpredictable, it can feel like they’re running your entire day. But here’s the truth: they only have the power you give them. Even small actions, like setting a hard stop to answering emails after 6 p.m., can remind you that you are in charge of your time, energy, and life.
- Manage the Overwhelm
Carol comes home emotionally drained. And when work becomes everything, personal relationships suffer.
Try setting limits on how much you talk about work at home. Give yourself five minutes to vent, then intentionally shift focus—take a walk, listen to music, cook dinner without screens. Better yet, find other outlets for your stress: journaling, therapy, exercise, or even talking to a mentor.
Boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re necessary.
- Name the Fear
Carol is afraid she won’t find another job like this. Maybe you are too. Fear is a powerful emotion, but it can also distort reality.
Start by updating your résumé. Quietly check job boards. Talk to a recruiter. Knowing what’s out there is empowering even if you don’t want to leave. If you find you need new skills, go get them. And if you already have what it takes, you’ll feel stronger and more capable.
And check out the article that I recently wrote about dealing with fear.
So What Are Your Options?
When you’re stuck in a toxic situation, you have three choices. None are perfect, but all are better than doing nothing.
- Accept It
This doesn’t mean Carol likes or approves of the situation—it means she decides not to give it emotional power and detaches emotionally. She shows up, does her job, collects her paycheck, and mentally detaches. If Lena is likely to burn herself out or move on quickly (as happens with some overzealous leaders), Carol might decide to wait it out. However, emotional detachment is a skill, and it only works if she can protect her mental and physical health. While this is helpful, it is extremely hard to do. Some people think they’ve accepted the situation but use every opportunity to whine and never let go of the negativity. That doesn’t mean you’ve accepted it (it means you haven’t!).
- Change It
Have the hard conversation. Carol could ask for a one-on-one with Lena and say something like:
“I want to support your goals, but the way we’re working together right now isn’t sustainable. Can we talk about expectations, communication, and how we move forward respectfully?”
She might need support—coaching, books, or training on conflict resolution. But even trying to change things can bring relief and empowerment. This is where I recommend we start. It is the middle road—and often the most empowering.
- Leave It
Sometimes, the healthiest decision is to go. It’s scary, yes. But staying in fear for too long is even scarier. Not every boss is coachable. Not every situation is fixable. And no job, no matter how secure, should come at the cost of your mental or physical health.
If Lena doesn’t change, and if staying is slowly destroying Carol, then it may be time to go. That’s not weakness—it’s self-preservation. No job is worth your health, your self-worth, or your peace of mind. Even just beginning the process of looking elsewhere can shift the energy and bring back a sense of hope.
What Carol can’t do is nothing.
The longer you stay in a painful, draining situation, the harder it becomes to find your way out. Start small. Take one step. Then another. Whether that’s setting a boundary, updating your LinkedIn, or asking for help, do something.
Because you always have a choice.
