Asking for help sounds so easy, but it can be so hard to do. Virtually every time I get an email asking for professional help, it starts with “I’m so sorry, but…” There is something about asking for help that feels uncomfortable. In my personal life, it seems even harder for friends to ask other friends for help.
I wrote an article in September 2024. Please click in the link. https://on-the-right-track.com/how-to-ask-for-help/ where I listed the steps for asking for help. I had several of you email me to thank me for that, and everyone admitted they struggle to ask for help.
And, to no one’s surprise, I struggle asking for help too. We all worry that asking for help makes us look like we don’t know what we are doing. We assume that we are supposed to show the world that we have figured life out. And for some, when we ask for help, we feel we are showing a weakness and that we’re somehow supposed to know everything, even when logic tells us that isn’t reasonable.
Even in my training workshops, people hesitate to ask questions or get clarification. It is rare for someone in a public setting to ask a question based on a real scenario. And I can see it on your faces too. I sometimes can tell you want to ask a question, but are either afraid to or don’t know how to phrase it (especially if colleagues are in the session).
So let me ask you this. Is this you?
You sit staring at a spreadsheet that isn’t quite working, convinced that if you just try one more formula, you will crack it. You rewrite an email three times because you are unsure how it will land. You spend far too long trying to fix something technical instead of calling IT because you don’t want to bother them.
And at home, it shows up too. You carry the mental load, juggling schedules, meals, errands, and responsibilities, thinking it is easier to just do it yourself than explain it to someone else.
But that is when we need to remind ourselves that asking for help does not make us weaker; instead, it makes us smarter. We know that in theory, but our thinking changes in the moment.
At work, not asking for help can actually create bigger problems. I remember having one of my first summer jobs at a strawberry farm. The owner asked me to set up a process for everyone to follow when giving phone instructions for getting to the farm. It should have been easy enough, but I was young and inexperienced, and I had no idea what it was I needed to do. I thought I should know how to do it. I didn’t want to admit that I was unsure. So, I muddled through it.
It took me hours. And when I finally gave it to her, it wasn’t what she wanted at all, and it was wrong!
Not slightly off. Completely wrong.
My manager had to walk me through it step by step, and do you know what she said? “Why didn’t you just ask me for help?”
That moment stuck with me. I had wasted time, created more work for someone else, and added stress to my own day, all because I didn’t want to ask a simple question.
Now contrast that with another moment a few years later. I was supporting a very busy executive and planning a major event. There were a lot of moving pieces, and I could feel myself getting overwhelmed.
This time, I did something different. I reached out to a colleague who had managed a similar event before and said, “Can I pick your brain for 15 minutes?”
She not only gave me guidance but also shared templates, checklists, and lessons learned, and offered to help throughout the entire event (which lowered my stress levels!). What could have taken me days to figure out on my own was shortened to a much more manageable process. And the event went smoothly.
That is the power of asking for help.
It is not about admitting failure. It is about accelerating success.
I have also been on the other side of this many times. People ask me for help all the time, whether it is advice on handling a difficult situation, feedback on a presentation, or guidance on career decisions.
And I will tell you this. I never think less of someone for asking. Actually, I always think more of them when they ask for help, because it shows they are self-aware and are willing to learn. It shows they care enough about doing things well that they are open to input.
One of my favorite moments was when someone came up to me after a session and said, “I almost didn’t ask this, but I’m really struggling with…” and then she shared a challenge she was facing at work.
We talked it through. It was not a particularly complicated solution, but it was something they hadn’t been able to see on their own. A few weeks later, she reached out again to say how much that conversation had helped. Imagine if she had stayed quiet.
At home, asking for help can be just as important, and just as hard.
I have caught myself thinking, “It is easier if I just do it.” Whether it is organizing something, handling logistics, or taking care of a task that could easily be shared. But easier in the moment does not mean better in the long run.
When we don’t ask for help at home, we often feel overwhelmed, resentful, or exhausted. And the people around us may not even realize we need support.
Each time I host a big family dinner, or the kids come for an extended visit. I somehow think that I should be able to do it all myself. Except it feels like a lot, and I have felt resentment that it’s up to me to do it all. So I’ve learned to say, “I need help with this,” or “Can you bring the dessert?” And every time I ask for help, they are willing to help. It makes my life easier, and they feel like they are contributing too!
It turns out that the people in our lives often want to help. Sometimes, they just need to be asked. Now our family dinners are always shared. Everyone brings a little bit to make it easier, and tastier too!
Struggling in silence does not make you stronger. It just makes things harder.
Asking for help builds connection. It builds trust. It helps you learn faster and perform better. It gives other people the opportunity to contribute and feel valued. And perhaps most importantly, it reminds you that you are not supposed to do everything alone.
So, this week, pay attention to the moments when you are stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure. Notice the instinct to push through on your own. And then try something different.
Ask.