Do you ever have one of those days that don’t go as smoothly as you planned? A meeting ran late and into another one, someone didn’t deliver to a deadline that was important, or someone said something that triggered you? I had one this week, and it annoyed me and just wouldn’t let go, even when my workday was done.
I tried to think about how I could have scheduled the day differently. What I could have said or not said. For whatever reason, I blamed myself, even though in hindsight I realize I didn’t do anything wrong; things just didn’t go the way I thought they would.
I realized that instead of focusing on what didn’t go the way I thought it was supposed to or on what I did wrong, I could analyze it (vs. criticize it) and see what I could learn.
Ultimately, that’s how we grow, build confidence, stay positive and learn from our experiences. And it only takes three simple questions.
- What worked?
It’s way too easy to focus on what didn’t work, and we often skip this very important first step.
One of my best friends in school had that “dad.” The one she could never make happy. He was always focused on what she did wrong rather than what she did right. She would be proud of herself for getting 90% on an exam; instead of congratulating her on getting 90% of the test correct, her dad focused on the 10% she got wrong.
Wasn’t my dad, but if I’m being honest, it is my own judgement. Sure, I pat myself on the back for a nano-second on what went well, but I’m much more focused on what went wrong. I’m guilty of that (not for anyone else in my life, but I’m hard on myself).
Stop doing that. Even when something does go wrong, parts of it went right. Find those things.
Thinking back to earlier this week, I can say that I didn’t panic when my timelines started to slip. I did remind someone of the commitment they had made. I was organized, and if everything had gone according to plan, I would have been very happy with my day. I focused on what went well.
For example, let’s say you organized a meeting that felt a bit chaotic. Instead of labelling the whole thing a failure, pause and ask yourself if you had all the materials ready. Was the room set up and ready to go? Were you able to focus on the meeting? All those things you said yes to, those are wins.
And they matter, because they are the things you want to keep doing.
At the end of each day at work, write down three things you did well. Not big, solve world peace kind of wins. Just solid, professional moments. Over time, this builds confidence and clarity about your strengths, and it doesn’t let the negative moments dominate.
- What didn’t work?
This is the part you either get stuck thinking about or avoid altogether. I’m guilty of getting stuck obsessing about what didn’t work. I’ve had to learn that I need to stop beating myself up when things go wrong and instead be honest about what didn’t work.
Maybe you should have spoken up sooner that day. Maybe you rushed and missed a detail that you shouldn’t have. Maybe you made assumptions instead of confirming. You didn’t do everything perfectly, but that doesn’t mean you did everything wrong either.
Let’s go back to that meeting example. You might realize you sent the agenda too late, which left participants unprepared. Perhaps you didn’t bring extra copies of the handouts for everyone, and forgot to put IT on standby in case there were tech issues, so they couldn’t help you when there were tech issues.
You didn’t fail. You learned what not to do the next time. That is how we learn as children, and that’s how we learn as adults. It’s information, not failure.
Pick one situation and ask yourself, “Where was the misstep?” Keep it factual. No drama. No excuses. Just clarity. This is how you sharpen your judgment over time.
- What would I do differently next time?
Reflection without action does not change anything. This question turns insight into improvement. This is where the growth happens.
If the same situation came up again, what would you do differently? Be specific.
- “Next time, I will send the agenda 24 hours in advance and ask for input.”
- “If we get behind on the timeline, I will identify that we are running late on the discussion.”
- “I will have put IT on standby in advance of the meeting just in case something goes wrong.”
It’s about creating a plan for the next time. This allows you to learn from your mistakes and become more intentional. Not about perfect, but, instead, growing so you can be better.
Each time you have a “that didn’t work” or a misstep at work, write one “next time I will…” statement. Keep it simple and actionable. This builds momentum and makes change realistic.
When you consistently ask yourself these three questions, something shifts. You’ll stop replaying situations in your head long after the workday is over. You’ll learn quickly and change your attitude toward learning, recognizing that it is a good thing!
My messed-up schedule this week bothered me until Wednesday, when I realized that I was focused on what went wrong. I fixed it, wrote this article, and learned an important lesson about scheduling and reminders to people.
I will be better moving forward because I learned, and from that experience, I grew.
So, the next time something doesn’t go quite right, don’t ignore it and don’t overanalyze it.
Just ask:
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- What will I do differently next time?
Then move forward, a little sharper than before.