I’m a recovering control freak. At least I think I’m recovering. Warren would probably disagree with me entirely.
When Warren, my husband, started working with me many years ago, I passed on to him tasks that I used to do. As an administrative and efficiency expert, you know that I have templates for everything (doesn’t every good admin?) One of the tasks was sending contracts to my clients. We have a very simple contracting template when I am hired to speak virtually or in person.
I passed that task to Warren to own. I gave him my perfected template. Warren decided it needed a new font. And not just any font, but the most boring of them all: Times New Roman. It makes my skin crawl just a bit thinking about it.
When he sent a completed template for me to review and approve (to ensure he was creating them correctly), I made a couple of adjustments. One of them was to put the template back in the original font.
You know where this is going.
We went back and forth a few times. I even explained why I disliked the font and cited reasons why it isn’t a good font for on-screen viewing. It works well in physically printed books and documents, but not on screen. I thought my logic would win him over, but it did not.
Finally, in exasperation, I told him he couldn’t use Times New Roman on our contracts because it was against company policy!
[ctt template=”3″ link=”3Q12e” via=”yes” ]As a control freak, there are warning signs. The first one is denial.[/ctt]
As a control freak, there are warning signs. The first one is denial. You don’t think you are controlling because there is logic and reason as to why things need to be done a certain way. The problem is that logic and reason work for you but not necessarily for others. Because of your logic and reason, you justify why things need to be done a certain way (co-incidentally; your way.)
Can you tell me why the dishwasher needs to be loaded with the cutlery facing up (or down if you prefer)? Why do towels need to be folded to put back on the rack in a particular way? Why do shirts need to all face the same direction in the closet? Why should the toilet paper be over the roll (or under the roll)?
Of course, you can. You have logic on your side that is beyond, “because I like it that way.” You justify why things need to be done a certain way. I understand safety and compliance, but shouldn’t there be some flexibility outside of very clear rules?
[ctt template=”3″ link=”05zvR” via=”yes” ]If you mentally jumped in and said, “Yeah, but …” you might be a control freak.[/ctt]
If you mentally jumped in and said, “Yeah, but …” you might be a control freak. You can give me all the logic in the world why the toilet paper needs to be on the roll a certain way or why we should use a certain font, but that might make you a wee bit of a control freak.
However, when the other person doesn’t agree with your logic, you will pull out your trump card and say things like, “it’s company policy,” even if it isn’t. You get defensive and potentially argumentative. When that happens, we tend to move into judgment. We diminish the other person’s critical thinking and judge they are not as smart as you are.
When Warren kept switching the font to Times New Roman, I was frustrated by that, and I also wondered what part of my logic didn’t make sense to him and wondered if he was deliberately switching the font to annoy me. I assumed the on-screen readability logic would be enough information to sway a die-hard TNR font user, and when it didn’t work, I judged him as lazy and not caring about details.
Yes, we are still happily married. But I was frustrated with him. I was annoyed that my logic wasn’t working, so I judged him.
You might be a control freak if you assume others are just not as smart as you when they don’t conform to your way of thinking.
You might be a control freak if you are afraid to delegate. Not because you don’t have authority, but because you know that you will do it properly the first time, and you don’t want to take the time to check someone else’s work.
Liz handles all my travel arrangements. Except for my air travel. I do my air travel. I justify (see above for previous warning of my control freakiness) that I know what flights I want, what connecting airports I like, what seat I want etc. Let’s be honest, any travel profile would give her that information, and she could easily learn how I like my flights booked.
I don’t delegate the air travel to Liz because I worry that it will be expensive and time-consuming to fix it if she does it wrong. We know that making changes to airline tickets is far from easy. I justify why I don’t delegate, but I know that I trust myself to do it better than anyone else.
You might be a control freak if you micromanage processes.
I love checklists and process maps. I use them for myself, and I expect my team to use them. And yes, I created them too.
I don’t even need to give you an example; you know where I’m going with this one. I love my checklists. I seem to be the only one. The reason I know I’m the only one is because I have asked, “Did you use the checklist?” more than once (or 20 times), and the answer they keep giving me is, “I’m good. I don’t need to use the checklist anymore.”
Do you know what that does to me? It makes me want to micromanage the process to insist they use the checklists, so nothing gets forgotten.
I’m recovering. And yes, laughing at myself as I write this article.
The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem. The second is to stop yourself when you recognize the symptoms. I’ve listed only a few signs of being a control freak, but if you recognize them too, please join me in saying, “I’m a recovering control freak, and today I’m going to bite my tongue and let my coworkers (or family) do their own thing.”
I promise it won’t be easy. I know it will improve your working relationships if you continue to work on pulling back your control freak habits.
I’m certainly going to try.
